Hogwarts Host Club
by Redhead Nerdette
Summary: It seemed like an ordinary day when Lily Evans stumbled into the Room of Requirement, but all of a sudden, things weren't so simple anymore. Now, with an 80,000 galleon debt and more than a few boys fawning over her, can she get her life back on track?


**A few things.**

 **This was not my idea and it was inspired by a Tumblr post. I didn't know I wanted it until now, so I'm going to write it.**

 **There's Dogstar (Sirius/Remus) if you squint, since I'm modeling their interactions after the Hitachiin twins. Otherwise it's just one of those bromances where they pretend to be gay for each other.**

 **This will include a few OCs, since I can't make a Host Club to sustain all of Hogwarts out of 3-5 students.**

 **Not quite sure how Lily will fit into the Club just yet, but I do have an inkling of an idea.**

 **There will definitely be some OOC going on, but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.**

" _Only those with magical capabilities are lucky enough to spend their time here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Hogwarts Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Hogwarts' playground for the super popular and beautiful!" –James Potter_

The Hogwarts Host Club was notorious. Once each day, the witches of the school flooded to the Room of Requirement for a chance to sit and talk with handsomest, smartest, most talented wizards of the school. To put it simply, these young men of the four houses were bonded by the love women displayed for them.

On this particular day, however, something strange was about to occur. It all started with a redheaded fourth year witch wandering through the halls, looking for a place to study. She paced back and forth through a particular hallway, keeping her eyes out for a room that wasn't so crowded as the rest. Just as the girl stopped to rest and leaned against the wall, she fell backwards. There hadn't been a door there before!

"Welcome!" An unfamiliar voice announced, scaring the living daylights out of poor Lily. Quick as a flicker, the bewildered redhead whipped around to see fancy tables and chairs everywhere, and a boy at each one. She assumed the one who had spoken to be the one nearest to her, a boy with messy black hair, round glasses, and a grin that would have any professor on high alert. He took her hand and gently pulled her to her feet, performing a slight bow in front of her. "Princess, I apologize for the fright. It seems you've wandered into the Room of Requirement, also known as the Hogwarts Host Club room!"

"Hogwarts…what? What in blazes is a Host Club?" Lily gasped, still a bit frazzled over the whole thing.

"Why don't you take a seat, Princess?" I'm James potter, and I'll explain everything."

"Don't call me 'Princess,' Potter," Lily muttered. It was really the only thing she could think to say.

After the boys had explained the Host Club to her, and invited her to return anytime (as if she would), Lily went on her way. Unfortunately, she didn't see the broomstick that had fallen from its place leaning up against the wall. She was quickly alerted when a loud " _crack"_ filled the room and she looked down to see it in two pieces.

From behind her, the voice of whom she'd recently come to know as Remus lupin murmured, "Now you've done it, Evans. That was James' new broomstick."

The voice of Sirius Black joined him. "He was supposed to ride that broom for the first time in the upcoming Quidditch game; it cost 80,000 galleons!"

"80,000 galleons!? What kind of broomstick is that expensive? I-I'll have to pay you back!"

The two boys chorused. "With what money? You can't even afford new books."

Remus turned toward James. "Well, it's your broomstick. What do you think we should do?"

James sat down on a velvet couch, resting his chin on his fist and looking overall elegant, despite his scruffy hair. "There's a famous saying among muggles, I'm told. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' You've heard it, being a muggleborn, I'm sure?"

"Yeah…" Lily trailed off. "But what are you getting at, exactly?'

"I have no idea. Remus, what do you think?"

"Well, there is a special promotion I've been thinking up…" Remus smirked and the whole room seemed to grow darker for Lily. "I think we should add a hostess to our group, just to bring in boys as well."

 _'Oh, Godric,'_ Lily thought with growing dread, _'I've been captured by a group of boys calling themselves a Host Club!'_

"Poke, poke!" Lily glanced over to see who was touching her. A short, chubby boy stood there, staring up at her with big eyes and baby fat. Peter Pettigrew. And that was the final straw. She fainted.

 _'Damn purebloods,'_ Lily thought miserably. Half the boys here were pureblood, and they made sure that she knew it. Since when did bloodline entitle someone to special rights? She could see James flirting up a storm, and heard the girls squealing in delight from clear across the room. The girl sighed, tuning out the chatter of the boys around her, and sipped at her cup. She preferred instant coffee to the pumpkin juice and tea that most of the inhabitants of this room drank.

"Hey, what's this?" Lily hadn't noticed Sirius peering over her shoulder.

"It's coffee, haven't you had it?"

"Well, yes, but it doesn't look like the kind I've had. It looks odd." Sirius tilted his head, locks of black hair flopping into his face and setting several girls shrieking their adoration. "Wait! Is this that muggle brand?"

"I think so," Remus agreed, at Sirius's side. Lily noticed their hands on each other's shoulders. They'd been acting so gay for each other since the day started that she wasn't even surprised. But the girls seemed to love it. "The kind that you only need to add hot water to."

By now a crowd had gathered.

"How did muggles ever figure out how to put all the ingredients into this powder?"

"Desperate times, I'd guess."

"What even goes into it?"

"Muggles are definitely clever!"

"You know what?" All attention turned to James. "I think I'd like to try this muggle coffee!"

A chorus of gasps rang out from multiple students, while others (the muggleborns and a few halfbloods) looked on with amused expressions.

"I will drink this coffee!" James announced to assorted cheers and applause.

All that Lily could think was, _'I hate all these damn purebloods.'_

After that ordeal was over, Lily managed to tune into a conversation between, Remus, Sirius, and their guests. It seemed that they offered a threesome experience. At least, that was the best analogy Lily could come up with.

"So he had a nightmare that made him bolt up right out of bed…" Sirius chuckled as he told the story, which Lily felt was completely false.

"Sirius!" Remus leaned back in his chair, looking embarrassed. "I asked you not to tell anyone that story!" It all seemed far overly dramatic, especially when Sirius leaped back in with the cheesiest thing that Lily had ever heard.

"I didn't mean to upset you… But it was so adorable that I just had to tell them…" The two boys leaned closer to each other, as the girls eyes widened with anticipation. "I'm sorry."

"I…I forgive you, Sirius," Remus whispered, sounding rather breathless.

The girls squealed, but Lily just felt really awkward. They were so convincing that it was hard to believe she had not just witnessed an intimate moment for real. She just didn't get it…

"Sorry," Peter yawned, just stumbling in and rubbing his eyes sleepily. "I'm running late. I fell asleep."

The kid really was something adorable. He still looked like he was eleven, and he had fluffy, mousy brown hair and these big blue eyes. He'd probably grow out of his looks, but for now, they worked well.

"Hi, Peter!" A few girls greeted him.

It seemed kind of sick to Lily that these girls would be willing to date someone who looked so much like a little kid.

"What is this world coming to…?" She muttered.

 **Okay, I've got to admit that I both laughed and cringed so hard writing this. This will cut some moments from the anime out, but I will also be adding things that weren't in the anime either, just so it'll even out.**

 **Now, back to business:**

 **I want you guys to tell me who I should cast as Renge. Your choices will be counted until the chosen "Renge" appears officially.**

 **I already know who I'll have as Nekozawa.**

 **Don't worry, Snape will appear, I assure you.**

 **I will began each chapter with a quote from the episode it's modeled after, with a little Hogwarts twist. I'm sure you noticed the one at the beginning of this chapter?**

 **Please review, I really want to know what you think of this story so far!**


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